On Thanksgiving Day, my family (all five of us) are expected at my in-laws house at 1pm for lunch. Here's what the day will look like.
My alarm will buzz at 8 am. It will buzz, but I will not get up. Eventually, the kids will complain about starvation prompting me to stumble into the kitchen, put on a pot of coffee (priorities), pour juice and take breakfast orders. My husband says I run a short order kitchen. He thinks I am a pushover for making three different meals for breakfast. I think I just cannot handle the complaints. I am also a sap for my children's smiles of adoration.
Around 10:30, the corralling of the children into showers will begin. My husband will still be snoozing and snoring, oblivious to the noise and commotion going on around him. I run the showers like an assembly line around here. The twins are only six and cannot wash their own hair, so they require more supervision than my oldest. Of course, no matter how much supervision, the floor will be soaked outside of the shower, someone will run to the potty with soap in their hair, bubbles will take flight and sail over the shower doors, and someone will get hurt. Three wet and naked children will "dance" around the living room while I encourage them to stop playing and get dressed. My daughter will not like what I picked out for her to wear. My youngest will have trouble finding his glasses. The oldest will be jumping off the pass bar while I am distracted.
After the dressing has taken place, I will attempt my shower. Zombie is still snoring peacefully. I find I have nothing to wear, even though I have a two-tiered closet, because I feel fat and bloated. Nothing will fit or look right. After trying on ten different outfits, I will go back to the first one and leave the others to wrinkle on the floor. I will apply my make-up, only because it is a special day.
Around noon, I attempt to wake my husband. He tells me I look pretty and falls back asleep. I pour him a cup of coffee and set it by his side of the bed. The aroma begins to clear the fog. He will start the shower and let it run for about 30 minutes, "to let the water warm up." At 12:45, I get antsy; he finally gets in the shower. Haven't I learned this family operates on Zombie time, yet?
At 1:05 our phone will ring. Father-in-law wants to know if we are still coming. I assure him we are leaving any minute.
Enroute, our phone will ring again. Father-in-law will leave a message asking if something happened.
Upon arrival, sister-in-law has worn something more outrageous than last year when her mini-skirt taught my children what thong underwear looked like. I'll get disgusted and again feel fat and bloated. Brother-in-law will greet everyone, even the children, with a slap on the back so hard we lose our breath. It's a little man syndrome kind of thing.
Dinner will be served. Medications taken. Children running and playing. Women cleaning. Men falling asleep watching TV.
Another Happy Thanksgiving.