if yall keep that fire burning on the night of the 24th, you may end up with a really seriously plugged chimney....not to mention depriving those of us to the west of yall of chance of having our presents arriving without serious smoke damage, if at all.*

*not that id be foolish enough to anticipate presents based on the current ridiculously high standards imposed upon potential recipients...better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, etc.  my ass

as near as i can determine, hes connected to homeland security, a perv or both.  i found this on his site:

he sees you when youre sleeping
he knows when youre awake.
he knows if youve been bad or good
so be good for goodness sake. *

*ive seen other versions of this in which the last line is similar to this:

so be good or youll find yourself incommunicado aboard a brig ship offshore or detained in a non-us controlled location in cuba or transported to the security service of a selected nation-partner in the war on terror for 'interrogation'; if santa has reason to believe youre in any way providing assistance to, associated, in contact with or you exhibit/express what santa determines to be an unhealthy interest in information about terror groups, you will be considered as having voluntarily renounced your citizenship. be smart--be a patriot for goodness sake.